Thursday, April 3, 2008

Condemned 2: Review

We've all experienced that one game that just doesn't click with us. Your friends like, the internet likes it, you even saw Jesus in line at Gamestop picking up his pre-order, but you starred blankly at the cover, confused. You even decided to give it a shot--nothing. You're dead to it and you don't know why. Nothing you read about the game makes any sense, and you come to the only conclusion that makes sense: you missed something.

Well, I guess I missed something because Condemned 2 fucking sucked. To put it bluntly. Maybe that's a little extreme; I actually did like aspects of it, but overall it did nothing for me. Why? The controls. Some of the worst mapping since people thought the Earth was flat can be found here. Everything, everything you do is slow while the rest of the world moves at a pace 2x faster than you. You're a brawler in this game, with the left and right punches mapped nicely to the triggers and the left and right hooks mapped nicely to the left thumb stick, which must be pressed in conjunction with one of the triggers, in the middle of battle, when there's a half second delay or more between you pulling the trigger and your character actually throwing a punch. Think Resident Evil on PS but in first person.

There's a difference between learning how the controls work and learning how to deal with the controls. You probably noticed I didn't talk about the interesting story or the good graphics, that's because I don't care.

--End Transmission--

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