Friday, February 15, 2008

Guitar Hero 4.1: Aerosmith

According to, Activision plans to release four new Guitar Hero games this year starting with one about Aerosmith. The story goes on saying:

The new game, planned for a June 2008 release, will place virtual rockers into the shoes of Aerosmith guitarists Joe Perry and Brad Whitford and bassist Tom Hamilton....The game will apparently put players on the same track as Aerosmith's career, going from small club shows all the way up to rock legends. So, basically, the same "story" as all the other Guitar Hero games, but with a more recognizable face on it.

1up was quick to point out that drummer, Joey Kramer, and the androgynous Steven Tyler will not be playable for obvious reasons. This sounds about as much fun as Guitar Hero II-- boring and uninspired. Look, if I wanted to experience Aerosmith I'd ride the Disney World roller coaster. Still, I wonder, if the player is meant to experience everything from their career does that mean you'll get to experiment with mind-expanding drugs and have lots of anonymous sex in a consequence free environment? Will you get to argue with Steven Tyler about his choice on trying to marry a 14-year-old girl? Lordy me, I hope so.

Following a band's career-- regardless of the band-- will not be fun. Part of the draw of Guitar Hero, and even Rock Band, is the diversity of the songs. Anything to compete with Rock Band though, huh? If Guitar Hero 4.2-4.4 follows the same formula then let's hope Led Zeppelin is thrown in there, hm? Please? No, seriously... fucking please. I really don't know how to make myself any clearer, Activision. Do I need to appease you in some way? What's that? A virgin sacrifice?

--End Transmission--

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Marriage?

In case you were wondering why it was raining blood today and pillars of flame broke through the ground, hearkening the end of all, Gary Coleman got married. Yeah.
Apparently, his wife claims that he can get mad sometimes and doesn't care for "the violence."
That's right, the violence. Not violence in general-- something no one likes-- but his violence.

According to Inside Edition, Coleman's violence meter maxed out before appearing on the show:
He said, “I threw the printer because my agent wanted to send me a fax, and it wouldn’t fax, and she [Price] was upset at me over something that I had done. And I just took that printer and said, ‘You know what, you just need to die.’”


This isn't really surprising since a couple of years ago Coleman was on some date show on MTV (?) and when he lost a go-kart race to his date he screamed at her and called her a cheater. Oh, and he threw his Playstation controller at her too. Their children will no doubt be pariahs and it will be well deserved.

--End Transmission--

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

these dreams go on when I close my eyes...

I'm starting a blog because I don't know what else to do with my life right now! Yay! If you're reading this it's because I know you and I asked you to read it (thank you). I will be posting about anything and everything I fucking feel like from now on, starting with a cool dream I had. Since dreams are visual I will insert a video to help convey my dream that I dreamed? Dreamt?

Anyway, last night I dreamed about the Greek gods... and their destruction by my hands. For whatever reason I was charged with destroying them. Basically, I was Kratos.

Forgive the music, I did not make this video. (Skip ahead to the middle, it gets fucking awesome).

However, I was not Kratos. I was me and I somehow stole the "essence" of each god and combined it with the "essence" of a titan and placed said "essences" in stone statues that came to life and committed many MURDER/DEATH/KILLS. Then, I made out with a robot and traveled through time with a talking $80 bill, thus freeing human beings from the gods' pettiness so we could invent cars, and porno.

--End Transmission--